And now, the news
The past few weeks (okay years) have been rough. Time for a breather thanks to some breaking news circa 1910-1917 (plus ads!)
Let’s face it: between war in the Mideast, climate change, and all things Trump, consuming news these days has taken us through a gamut of emotional ups and downs. We’re on edge, nervous, scared, indignant, outraged, and so much more.
While I certainly won’t make light of the precarious state of our world, we need to take a collective breath. Once upon a time breaking news had a whimsical touch. Let’s look at ripping headlines from the Chicago Tribune, stories that made the hearts of news junkies go pitter-pat, circa 1910-1917. Plus advertisements for things you simply cannot live without. Break out your bitcoins.
First up: romance. Fear not, my friends. If you really are sweet on your cousin, the two of you can get married without fear. The rats at the Wistar Institute of Anatomy and Biology at the University of Pennsylvania give you their tacit approval. Phew!
I used to worry that my Vode Squawks wouldn’t get into a into good BD, but now that I have a special code, I can sleep at night.
Journalism Rule #1: Never bury the lede.
And you thought the Methodist church was boring. But this story doesn’t answer the most important question: Was Swedish in Polly’s repertoire?
They may have lost the NL pennant in 2023, but there is still much to be excited about in Philly. If it’s okay for Philly, I’ll bet it’s good for your town as well.
Are we sure this was an “accident”? Rhadamanthus always looked kind of sketchy to me. And his breakfast was unusually fermented that morning.
It’s an evergreen story. The lady submits to Romeo. Plus: a free-form Italian dancer.
And now, a word from our sponsor. Twenty years of study can’t be wrong! Or is that 50 million Frenchman? Well, either way, you can’t beat the price if you want to be popular.
Yesterday’s “Many passersby have given it open mouthed evidence of appreciation” is today’s four-star review #1 hit. This mermaid was the Barbie of her day, but with less pink.
In legal news, Fox Studios paid dearly for their battle scenes. No word on if they will be filing an appeal. Plus, corn flakes remained dry for weeks.
No news source is complete unless corrections are provided. Those Manning boys were reluctant, but honest. Huzzah for the sailor and soldier!
This misleading headline on page 9 indicates a romantic interspecies elopement. The story itself is rather mundane, I’m afraid.
And finally, one last advertisement, which inadvertently reveals what the Tooth Fairy did with his swag after leaving a quarter under your pillow.
Okay, back to reality. So long, 1910-1917. You had world war and flu plus an unsinkable ship that surprisingly sank and quick, but you also gave us some lighthearted relief just when we needed it.
Thanks for reading The Typewriter's Collage. Share your thoughts in the comment section or on my various social media, all of which are linked on my website: www.arniebernstein.com. And if after all this breaking news, you still aren’t a subscriber, what the hell is wrong with you?
See you next week!
The duck takes the cake… or… I guess the eye! 👀
Are you busy this weekend? 😘💍👩❤️👨🍷🐀