I was the Unabomber! (Okay, not quite)
The FBI suspected that the Unabomber went to my high school. I fit their student profile.
Yes, that’s a tantalizing headline, but first some history. This past Saturday we learned of the suicide death of Ted Kaczynski, AKA “The Unabomber.” You might remember the case. Kaczynski, a Harvard educated mathematical genius with a 167 IQ, withdrew from his professorship at UC Berkeley, then disappeared into rural Montana. He lived off the grid in a small cabin, where Kaczynski commanded a one-man war against what he believed was rampant technology run amuck.
From May 25, 1978 through April 24, 1995, Kaczynski sent mail bombs to seemingly random targets: professors, grad students, computer store owners, even the president of United Airlines. Some bombs went off, others did not. In total three people were killed by Kaczynski bombs; another 23 victims were injured, some losing fingers, eyes, and limbs. Twelve people suffered smoke inhalation when one of Kaczynski’s devices went off on an American Airlines flight en route from Chicago to Washington D.C.
Ultimately Kaczynski was caught, pleaded guilty to all charges, and was sentenced to life imprisonment without any possibility of parole. Before his capture, no one had any idea about the identity of this mad bomber. The FBI dubbed the unknown culprit “The Unabomber” as his targets largely worked at universities and airlines, hence Un-A-Bomber. Through his anonymous letters and 35,000-word treatise titled “Industrial Society and Its Future” (better known as “The Unabomber Manifesto”), the FBI determined that this terrorist was someone who knew how to write and was hyper-concerned about environmental issues.
After he was caught, Kaczynski was prosecuted by Merrick Garland, the future attorney general and a graduate of Niles West High School in Skokie, Illinois. It’s an ironic twist to a convoluted story, given that for a time the FBI investigation focused on Niles West. Garland graduated in 1970. For reasons never disclosed, long before Kaczynski was caught, and Garland was his prosecutor, the Feds were convinced that this domestic terrorist was a student at Niles West during the late 1970s—the same period when I went there.
Niles West: Home of Public Enemy Numbers 1, 2, 3, etc.
Niles West has its share of infamous graduates. Rick Singer, mastermind of 2019 college entrance cheating scandal, was in my graduating class. George Papadopoulos, a 2005 graduate, became flunky to a failed casino owner turned politician. You know who I’m talking about. Papadopoulos connected with Russian agents during the 2016 election on behalf of his boss, the inarticulate former reality TV show host. When questioned about his activities, Papadopoulos lied to the FBI, then pleaded guilty to felony charges, and served time. There’s also a bank robber in our rogue’s gallery of graduates, Jeffrey Erickson, who was a year ahead of me at West. With his wife Jill, Erickson robbed a string of Chicago-area banks. She ended up killing herself rather than be captured after a high-speed car chase. Erickson escaped from police custody during his trial, killed a deputy marshal and a Chicago cop, then shot himself in the head.
To be fair, Niles West isn’t just a villain incubator. There are other notable grads alongside Garland, including Olympic gymnast Bart Conner, RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant Kahmora Hall, Todd Sucherman who was a drummer with the rock band Styx, NFL quarterback Jim Hart, and Gary Kremen, the brains behind the popular Match Dot Com dating app. Me, I'm just a paltry writer of books, so I don't count when it comes to famous graduates.
However, there is a possibility that for a brief moment I might have been a suspect in the Unabomber case.
A Principled Principal? Yeah, right.
In autumn of 1995 the FBI focused their Unabomber investigation on Niles West. According to the October 4 Chicago Tribune story “Unabomber Probe Revisits ‘70s”, it was long believed that the suspect could be from the north suburbs where I grew up. “For reasons I cannot disclose,” said an FBI spokesman, “the tips we've gotten have led us to believe that Niles would be a productive area (for the Unabomber).”
FBI agents scrutinized yearbooks from 1972 through 1979, which included my four years at West. They also subpoenaed a few student transcripts. The school’s principal from those years, long since retired, told reporters that during his tenure in the 1970s “doing your own thing” was the rage with all the kids. There were a lot of crazy things going on at the school, he said, which increased the odds that the Unabomber could be a Niles West alum. “(I)t wouldn't surprise me if some kid took a proactive solution that he picked up in class and twisted it to fit some bizarre purpose,” he added. Thanks for your support, sir! The view here from under the bus is just fine.
The FBI focused on students who loved to write and had concern over ecological issues. Given the Unabomber’s well-written manifesto and letters emphasizing environmental perils, they theorized that the unknown suspect developed these interests as a high school student. Hence, my possible career as a domestic terrorist.
The ABC Afterschool Subversion Special
My extracurricular activities fit the FBI profile. First, I was published in the school literary magazine, Opus 1. In a massive case of poor editorial judgement, they accepted one of my stories for publication. The plot involved a crazed old lady who flew away with a horde of kamikaze pigeons she had trained to defecate on her enemies.
I don’t remember much about the yarn, other than it was silly slapstick and probably just as bad as pigeon shit. But 25 years after the fact, it could be a solid lead in the Unabomber case. It screamed of a possible “teenage writer with ecoterrorist inclinations!” albeit the reality behind the piece was “goofball kid trying to shock other students by using the word ‘shit’ in a poorly written story that somehow got published in his high school literary journal.”
Firebug Club
The first words of the Tribune story were another hint that Niles West could have fomented the Unabomber. To quote: “There was the Ecology Club…” Okay, I confess: I was a member of that suspect club! Why did I join? The driving reason had nothing to do with saving the planet. Freshman year my friend John (a pseudonym) and I both had a crush on Anna Marie (also a pseudonym), who we thought was the cutest thing ever. She was in the Ecology Club so of course we had to join. Neither John nor I had any interest in science, other than the hormonal urges that caused two fourteen-year-olds to join an afterschool club in desperate hopes of catching the fancy of a girl who was way out of their league.
Anna Marie left the club after a single semester, but John and I remained stalwarts through senior year. Though our mutual crush was gone, we were having too much fun to quit. What other club could offer the chance to commit an act of legal arson?
There was a small field with some Illinois prairie grasses behind the school building. Weeds have to be purged from prairies every spring so the native vegetation can thrive. Burning these invasive plants is a natural way to remove them, plus it enriches the prairie soil with nutrients left by the scorched remains.
As an added bonus, a prairie burn was a genuine teenage boy dream come true. Sure, the intention driving the action was ecological, but who cared about that? We could ignite a magnificent fire, then watch in sheer delight as the inferno destroyed everything in its path. A few local firemen sat around in their big red truck, just in case the blaze got out of hand. They needn’t have worried, let alone show up. The burn was a bust. Despite our best efforts, the vegetation refused to ignite.
Still, the failed prairie fire was more potential foreshadowing for the Feds to consider. I was a teenage ecological arsonist for the FBI, both an important clue and a great title for a bad movie.
Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, and sometimes Pinko
Beyond fire bugging, the club took periodic Saturday field trips. The best of the lot was to an old limestone pit south of Chicago. The site was filled with rocks embedded with fossilized plants. I found one stone with the remains of eons-old ferns on both sides. Not as cool as ancient t-rex bones, but even so it was a cheap thrill.
While the trip was great, what followed was not. Our bus broke down on our way home, leaving us stranded on the highway shoulder for hours. I was in absolute panic. Other kids and our sponsor may have been concerned about late dinner but I was terrified that I would miss A Night At the Opera. In the late 1970s I was obsessed with the Marx Brothers, who were in a renaissance thanks to movie comedy maniacs. In those days before streaming platforms or digital copies, film enthusiasts lived and died by the whims of local TV programing. Missing the Saturday Night Movie Classic could be disastrous. An excruciating year or more might go by until the next chance to see A Night at the Opera.
The situation was dire. I was at the mercy of bus availability and traffic. Once we were picked up and back on the road, I imagined Harpo Marx saving the day, honking and whistling as he pushed our bus to speed it up. The fantasy worked. I got home just in time for the broadcast. The film was all cut up with scenes deleted in favor of drawn-out commercial breaks, but even so it was still A Night at the Opera. And two duck eggs.
So, there you have it. High school writer. Ecology club member. And a Marxist. Prime factors for the Feds in developing the Unabomber profile.
“I’m innocent, ya lousy screws! Innocent, I tells ya!”
It turns out that I was not the Unabomber. The FBI was correct that this domestic terrorist was from the Chicago area. Their big mistake was investigating the wrong side of town. Ted Kaszynski was a graduate of the eponymous Evergreen Park High School, a suburb about 30 miles south of Niles West. In what is no small irony, today I live near the Evergreen Park school. Make of that what you will.
After Kaszynski went to prison, I had to know. Was I ever in contention for the title of Mr. Unabomber? According to the Tribune “fewer than 10” students were suspected. The article continued, stating that “(a) roster of potential suspects was developed and pared down this summer with the help of veteran Niles teachers who provided names of former students who stood out as disgruntled, anti-social or eccentric.”
Excuse me, but what high school student hasn’t been disgruntled, anti-social and/or eccentric at some point between freshman year and graduation. The cosmic joke of puberty has a way of turning nice kids into disgruntled jerks, anti-social introverts, or eccentric goofballs writing stories about crazed old ladies flying away with a horde of kamikaze pigeons trained to defecate on her enemies. Thanks, former teachers who joined our retired principal in naming potential suspects. The view from under the bus still remains just fine.
I put in a FOIA request to the FBI, looking for any information regarding the case, Niles West, and my name. They wrote back that there was no record of me was in any of the Unabomber files. I was a little disappointed. My high school shenanigans fit the profile. Perhaps they couldn’t find anything because my name got redacted? Regardless, my brief career as a suspected eco-terrorist was over.
Epilog: Four Reflections
1. I'm a better writer today, having switched from the limited market for crazed-old-ladies-and-kamikaze-pigeon short stories to a broader scope of narrative nonfiction.
2. When it comes to ecology I’m a staunch recycler and a semi-vegan. Although a plant-based diet is great for body and soul, I love grilling steak too much to relinquish total carnivorism.
3. I'm still a devoted Marxist. My most recent viewing of A Night at the Opera was a few months ago during a key life moment. Watching the Marxes on my iPad as they made havoc on polite society got me though the miseries of colonoscopy prep. More information than you need I’m sure, but so what. And three duck eggs.
4. John and I drifted apart after high school. The last I heard he was a full-blown acolyte of that former fake university proprietor. For a while his younger brother kept annoying me on Facebook with far right political ideas and far too righteous evangelical propaganda. I blocked him. I do miss the John I knew, but like so many close high school friendships, we just weren’t destined to be lifelong pals.
One more epilog: Anna Marie
About six months ago, while updating my LinkedIn profile, I looked over who had recently viewed my information. There were professionals working in publishing and academia, but there was also a surprise. I didn't recognize the surname, but her first and middle names were Anna Marie. Was this the same Anna Marie of my 14-year-old schoolboy crush past? No FOIA request was necessary this time. All I had to do was look back at her profile. It was my Anna Marie. She lives in another state, married, has children, and teaches high school language arts. I’m happy for her.
High school memories are as weird as they are indelible. Share your stories in the space below or on my Twitter @realarnieb. And check out my website: www.arniebernstein.com.